Yankees mid-term grade

yankees_250_071309.jpgI was on recently with Lori Rubinson of WFAN and she asked me to give my mid-season grade for the Yankees season. I hate grading professional athletes and here is why. Usually the teacher is superior to the student and the teacher is the one who hands out the grades. I know this is how reporters and talk show hosts gauge a team at certain points of the season, but I feel uncomfortable “grading” professional athletes.

Well I did it, because I was asked to do so, and I gave the Yankees an overall B+. This is an entire grade higher than Ralphie received in A Christmas Story for his theme on wanting a Red Ryder BB gun. Lori disagreed with my assessment after I was off the air, which is fine, but I don’t like not being able to defend my grade.

So here we go, your honors, ladies and gentleman of the jury, honored guests, here is my defense of the B+.

Think about this, the Yankees are 14 games over .500, they are just three games behind the Red Sox in the American League East. They lead the Wild Card by two-and-a-half games over the Rangers. I know they have gone into spells where the pitching and hitting both go into the tank, but guess what, that’s baseball. It’s a long season. I think its 162 games the last time I checked. Baseball is cyclical. If you have ever played the game you would understand that sometimes the ball looks like a pebble and your trying to hit it with a toothpick, and sometimes it looks like a beach ball and you have that big fat red whiffleball bat. Pitchers make mistakes too and professional hitters take advantage of mistakes

Bottom line — the Yankees are 14 games over .500, leading the Wild Card, and just three games back in the division. Last year at this time — they were six games over .500 and trailing the Wild Card by five games. Which team would you rather have?

Neither, I know, because every year Yankees fans want a first-place team, 25 games over .500 and bludgeoning the Red Sox every time they play them. Who wouldn’t want that? It’s unrealistic though. The Red Sox have caught up and have a great team and a great system. Deal with it. It’s a reality.

I was watching the Sunday Conversation with Lou Piniella and he said something about Chicago that rings true with New York. He said if the Cubs win three in a row they’re going to the World Series, if they lose three in a row they’re a last-place team. Well, the same thing could be said about the Yankees. About a week-and-a-half ago, people were calling for Joe Girardi’s head. Then the Yankees won nine of their next 11 and the chirping stopped. I’m down in South Carolina on vacation and I can’t hear the callers today, but I could only imagine what they are saying after getting swept by the Angels. JJD and BJD much? (JJD — Janet Jackson Disease or “What have you done for me lately disease.” BJD — Billy Joel Disease or “I go to extremes disease.”)

Look at a schedule…please. There are 73 games left, 73. That’s almost an entire NBA or NHL season. What? I’m gonna worry? GLASS HALF FULL PEOPLE. I said this last year and I’ll say it again. If you don’t like rooting for a team that consistently runs out players that are fit to win championships ever season, there’s always Pittsburgh, Kansas City, or Washington. Pledge your allegiance to teams and owners who put money into a new yacht instead of putting money into their team.

Now, I couldn’t possibly give the Bombers an “A,” after getting swept away by the Red Sox in the first half, but to be in the position they are in right now at the break is “B” material to me. Could they have been better? Absolutely! Big picture, people. There are 73 games left — 14 games over .500 — leading the Wild Card — in striking distance of the Red Sox.

If I can’t calm you down with my glass half-full optimism, seek professional help.

By the way if you think this team doesn’t drive me crazy sometimes you are 100 percent wrong. They do. I’ve been around them though. They expect to win every time they take the field, but even THEY know that isn’t possible. 

The Lighthouse of Hope

pedro250_061909.jpgPedro a Yankee?
Surely, you can’t be serious. I am serious and don’t call me Shirley. The Yankees had someone in the Dominican Republic watching, “Mr. Who’s Your Daddy” himself. Should we read anything into this? Well, according to the New York Daily News, no we shouldn’t. They reported that someone close to the Yankees believed the team was just doing a solid for agent Fern Cuza. He also represents Mariano Rivera. I highly doubt Pedro Martinez will EVER come to the Yankees. After what he pulled with Don Zimmer, and sending Derek Jeter and Alfonso Soriano to the hospital in the same day. Oh by the way, he and Jorge Posada aren’t the best of friends either. That would be an interesting battery to watch. It would kind of be like Jerry pitching to Tom, before the cartoon went absolutely stupid when they became friends, ugh.

Yankees drop two to the Nationals – World to end – read all about it!
I thought about this a lot today. Does it absolutely stink on ice that the Yankees dropped two of three to the worst team in the major leagues? Does it reek of month old milk left out on the table for a week, when three starters from said worst team, and the worst bullpen in the league come into your house and own you? The answer to both of these questions is yes, but this is baseball. If you have played it at any level in your life, you know as well as anyone, that you are going to go through spells where you don’t hit worth a lick and you cant pitch to save your life. Right now that’s exactly what’s going on with the Yankees.

We are all guilty of being Veruka Salt, the spoiled little girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The old one with Gene Wilder, I refuse to even acknowledge they made a new one.  We are all running around and screaming, “But, Daddy, I want a Yankees’ win nowwwwwwwwww!”

There are 96 games left. 96. Again, let me reiterate, I am not excusing this team from taking a beat down by the Nationals. All I am saying is take a chill.  It took the perfect storm for the Nats to come in here and do what they did. Sometimes baseball teams all have some hitting issues at once. The Yankees just picked the wrong team to go cold against. This is a team if you remember that won eight in a row.  I know they are 3-6 in their last nine. I know the 3-6 could be 2-7 or 1-8. It happens. It’s baseball. The 1998 Yankees – one of the best teams of all time – at one point of the season lost 11 of 19 games. Did the world end? We are here right?

They lost to the White Sox who finished 80-82. They lost to the A’s who finished 74-88. They lost to the Mariners who were 76-85. They also lost to the Twins who finished 70-92.

We all have to learn like Joshua from Wargames.  The world almost ended in that 80’s classic because of snot nosed computer geek Matthew Broderick, the world is not going to end because the Yankees lost a series to the Nationals.  Besides, it’s not 2012 yet.  The waters may seem troubled, but look to the “Lighthouse of Hope.”  That would be my bald head.  All of you fans are out on a boat and all you see are choppy waters in the “Sea of Negativity” that is this area.  You see huge waves about to crash on top of you and the Yankees season.  96 games.  The ship your on has plenty of time to right itself and it starts tonight in Florida.  

Ninety-six games.  Look to the lighthouse and let me bring you back in to seeing the glass as half full.

Joba Chamberlain – Again Chris?  Really?
Sorry, just a couple of things.  I just have a couple of questions.  Why is it that Phil Hughes, who is supposed to be a starter, is working out of the bullpen now and no one has a problem with that?  Meanwhile Joba continues to not be lights out in his starts and he gets a free pass?   “Chien-Ming Wang is killing the bullpen!”  This can be heard echoing all over the radio in this area.  Joba isn’t?  I love how people want to bury a guy who won 46 games in two and a half years.  Yeah lets just throw him on the scrap heap.  Watch how fast other teams come in like a flock of seagulls (not the haircut) to pick him up.  If you are going to be patient with Chamberlain, give Wang the same respect.  Notice how I didn’t say Joba should be back in the bullpen.

One more thing – just curious – do you know how many games are left in the season?  Here’s a hint, sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, but make believe you’ve already took down and passed around three.

Squish the Fish.

End of Transmission  

A Day in the Life of … well … me

7:26 – Rise and Shine

7:27 – Into el bano to do the shaving ritual – first the face – then the head

7:35 – Brush the choppers and swish around some mouthwash

7:37 – Get dressed – Flash Gordon t-shirt (the cheesy 80’s movie) Yankees pullover – jeans

7:47 – Glass of OJ in the kitchen

7:57 – In the car leaving house – pouring rain – top stays up for obvious reasons

8:12 – Stop at Dunkin Donuts  to purchase Box O’ Joe and a dozen donuts for Mike Francesa and his crew – they have a remote at the Hard Rock Yankee Stadium. The line was out the door, but “Wrapped Around Your Finger” was playing by the Police (favorite group of all time). I was fine.

8:20 – Arrive at work and immediately begin preparing the YES Network Sports Sprint, which airs right before Francesa at 1p.m.

8:36 – Take a break from the Sprint so I can re-trace my steps for the morning and I write down everything I did to this point so it is fresh for the blog.


8:37 – Received the ratings e-mail – checked to see how BP did last night – I’m pleased.

8:38 – Back to Sprint preparations which consist of printing out the stories that I will cover in my update today: the Yankees, the Blue Jays and the Padres

8:40 –  Wrote my Sprint lead – based on the home run happy Yankee Stadium

8:46 – As I continue the Sprint preps, thunderstorms are rolling in off the Long Island Sound and the thunder is shaking the building – nothing like a good strong thunderstorm!

9:01 – Finished with the office portion of writing the Sprint – I write my highlights to the scripts I get from our feed service – Sports News Satellite

9:02 – Cup of coffee number one – and breakfast – two Special K cereal bars

9:03 – Head upstairs to edit the highlights for the Sprint

9:29 – Done editing the highlights

9:33 – Apparently it’s a four-minute walk from the third floor – down the stairs and back to my office on the first floor

9:40 – I didn’t get a Yankees script in my e-mail – so I had to cut those highlights and then write them down in my office after editing. Now the Sprint is completed – just have to wait for the Francesa crew to get here to tape – probably around 11:00.

9:42 – Starting to get Flash Forward rundown ready – I am taping it with John Flaherty as we do every week for YESNetwork.com – Flash will call in around 11:15.

9:42 – Second cup of coffee – 9:42 was a busy minute.

9:45 – Researching graphics for Flash Forward – Wang at Fenway in his career – 3-3, 5.11 ERA..

9:55 – Researching Mets vs. Yankees since interleague started – Yankees are 39-27 vs. Mets.

10:15 – Research and graphics are done – printing out Flash Forward rundowns.

10:18 – Take a break to input the first part of my day into the blog for your enjoyment.

10:38 – Done with the blog writing – now it’s time to suit up and head upstairs to tape – be back later.


10:46 – Got dressed for the Sprint and Flash Forward in what I like to call my mullet outfit – business up top – party on the bottom

10:50 – Went upstairs to tape the Sprint and Flash

11:11 – Started taping the Sprint and finished at 11:15

11:17 – Still waiting for Flash to call – he accidentally deleted my text with the number – I left my cell in my office – Neal Baker – Producer of the Francesa show went to my office to get my phone – I texted the number to Flash again

11:18 – Flash called in and we started – to find out what we talked about you’ll have to wait and see when it shows up on YESnetwork.com later

11:26 – Flash Forward ends – I wrote an intro for the Francesa Show – they are live at the Hard Rock Cafe at Yankee Stadium

11:30 – Handed off my microphone and IFB to Joe Parrino in the audio room

11:31 – Grabbed the tape with me and Flash on it and headed downstairs

11:35 – Back in my office typing up the blog – going to hand off the tape to get fed – then change into the gym clothes – then its off to NYSC for a little shoulder work out

11:58 – Dropped tape off to get fed – and gave Kevin Sullivan our internet guru the rundown for Flash Forward

11:59 – Glasses off – contacts in

12:02 – Left for the gym


12:10 – Arrived at gym – got situated and hopped on the elliptical

12:40 – 30 minutes on the elliptical – 2.66 miles and made some room for lunch with the calories burned

12:41 – Shoulder work out begins – 12 sets – four exercises – light weight – lots of reps

1:09 – Left the gym

1:20 – Back at work – picked up my free lunch – THANKS YES!  When the Francesa show is on a remote we get catered lunch – work perk – holla – anyway I chose Chicken Remo from Remo’s in downtown Stamford – it’s a melange of arugula (its a ve-ge-ta-ble – My Blue Heaven reference) tomatoes and their house dressing over some breaded chicken – make me chicken any way and I am eating it


1:30 – Eating lunch and listening to Mike Francesa in the background in my office – lunch is good

1:40 – BPTV Producer Steve Goldberg came in for a little pre production meeting – Coney will be joining me for the entire first block of the show – you will here his thoughts on tonight’s pitching matchup and the closers

1:51 – Reminder – game is on MY9 tonight – but we are doing BP/Pre/Post on YES

1:58 – Intern Heather “The Big” Walkowski stopped by my office after her morning of transcribing tapes for five hours – good egg this kid – she is going to make it. Mark my words.

2:05 – Mike Francesa is interviewing John Flaherty – Flash very busy today – don’t forget Flash Forward will be up later on YESnetwork.com – so I am chilling in my office watching this interview – getting ready for BP going over the scripts and graphics – When Goldy (Steve Goldberg) produces he likes to write the show – so he does – when anyone else produces BP (there are three other producers – I write the show – I prefer to write – but Steve likes it too and we have the same style).


2:20 –  The Original BP Producer – my rock – and my confidant here at YES – Jared Boshnack stopped by – when he produces I write the show – he is producing tomorrow and Thursday – so I will be using the keyboard overtime the next two days.  Jared has really taken this show to the next level from its humble beginnings and always challenges my writing when he produces – He is the “Big Toe” of the YES Network – yup – he’s our Sergeant Hulka

bosh.jpg2:30 – Flash interview with Francesa ended – they go to break – and this is how I know I am getting older – Lee Majors is on a commercial promoting a “bionic” hearing aid – oh Six Million Dollar Man – where is Oscar Goldman and the technology when you need them

2:43 –
In a bit of a holding pattern in my office – going over my scripts again – David Cone is in the house!


3:05 – Finished going over scripts – called home to check in on my girls – they are good

3:15 – Goldy tells me we are taping a weather segment with Jim Kosek from accuweather.com at 5:00

3:30 – Goldy stopped in again – and told me that we will probably – most likely have BP in the show now – we were not optomistic for the cages to come out in Boston with the weather – but as it stands – the cage is out in Boston as you can kind of clearly see from me taking a picture of Fenway from our live truck up in Boston  

IMG00114.JPG3:46 – Sitting in the office – its quiet – all I can hear is Pre-game producer and Old Bridge, NJ native Bill Boland calling for Steve Goldberg – I’m from South River, NJ which is right next to Old Bridge – Boles as we call him and I are from similar backgrounds – he went to Trenton State College – I went to Rowan – good guy

3:53 – Updated my Twitter page – Like the little back and forth I have going with Chris Carlin of SNY – doing Ron Burgundy lines back and forth – you can’t beat that

4:00 – Lineups are in:


Jeter SS

Damon DH

Teixeira 1B

Rodriguez 3B

Cano 2B

Posada C

Swisher LF

Cabrera RF

Gardner CF

Burnett P


Red Sox

Pedroia 2B

Drew RF

Youkilis 1B

Bay LF

Lowell 3B

Ortiz DH

Varitek C

Kotsay CF

Green SS

Beckett P

4:08 – Time to man up and put my makeup on – first the foundation – and then some powder to make me look like I have a little bit of color – damn my Irish blood

4:09 – Before Makeup
bptv1.JPG4:27 – After Makeup
bptv2.JPG4:38 – Okay fun seekers – its off to the studio where I will take some more pictures for you and report back after BP is over and I wrap up my day – until then!

5:15 – Taped weather segment with Jim Kosek of Accuweather.com he was great!

5:30 – Taped Coney’s segment and he was awesome as always!

5:45-6:00 – Talked to the crew about sports talk radio and how I need a show

6:37 – Show is over!  About to take my makeup off and call it a night!  Try to get a good night sleep and do it all over again tomorrow!  Wouldn’t trade this for anything!

Thanks for stopping by today and checking out my day as it unfolded – Here are a couple pictures of the BP set – have a great night everyone!  Go Yanks!


The Great Debate

Well Yankee fans, both sides of the Joba debate got exactly what they wanted last night in Cleveland. Chamberlain started, and pitched through the eighth, bridging the gap to Mariano Rivera.

I have to stand my ground though on my stance to put him back in the bullpen. As Ozzie Guillen said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “I’d rather face him once every five days then every night.” You get the idea.

John Flaherty talked about this very topic in Flash Forward this week on YESNetwork.com. Find out what the Yankees catcher thinks about the Joba situation by clicking here.

All of you out there who are sick of this topic, well I’m sorry. Some people like to beat Brangelina or Brittany to death in the figurative sense, I am in the business of beating the starter-reliever thing to death. Like it or not, it will be around the whole season. I suggest you get used to it.

There are times this season Chamberlain left you looking at the glass as half empty, and other times like last night, he left you looking at the glass as half full. When he was a reliever the glass was overflowing.

The more Chamberlain is inconsistent, and the closer he inches to his pitch counts every night and his innings limit for the season, this Great Debate will continue to rage on.

Cement Shoes

I was at the gym earlier today, on the elliptical, and one of the Master Trainer’s came over and we started talking.  Malik is a Mets fan, I am a Yankees fan, so the comedy always ensues in our conversations. 

This time though it wasn’t at each others expense.  It was at the expense of one of the Yankees arch enemies, and it made me raise an eyebrow.  Malik pointed out to me that David Ortiz is doing awful this year, the same year his jersey was buried at the new Yankee Stadium.
Did this anger the ghosts maybe?  Or does Ortiz just have a Tom Selleck size hole in his swing? 

He’s only batting .189.  He only has one home run.  He is no longer batting third or fourth.  He was recently sixth in the Boston lineup.

Regardless of what is going on, I think it was a great point by Malik.  I told him I would blog about it, and I am a man of my word. 

Reality Bites

I’m sorry I have to vent a little bit.  Reality TV needs to take a dirt nap, and quick.  It’s like crack, it’s addicting, and as principal Joe Carter said to Sams on the roof, “It kills your brain cells, it kills your brain cells!”

The Real World
Yeah let’s start with this gem.  Remember, the title of the show is, The Real World.  Yeah seven brats in a mansion in the middle of a gigantic city, not paying rent, jobs are found for them, and they sit around and talk smack about each other.  Sounds like the real world to me.  Everything was handed to me and my friends too.  We just fell *** backwards into a mansion, complete with an in the ground pool and jacuzzi, and were given drop dead gorgeous, scantily clad roommates with who we could frolic with to our hearts content. 
You want the real Real World?  Put seven strangers in a New York apartment that costs upwards of around 3,000 dollars or more a month and it only sleeps two.  Make these twits FIND jobs, actually PAY rent, and if they want to go for a swim, the Hudson or the East River are lovely this time of year.  Jacuzzi you ask?  Well just use some natural human gas to give you a little bubble action whilst your in the river of your choice.  By the way, I still wouldn’t watch.

Keeping up with the Kardashians

This show is absolutely pointless, and the people who actually care about keeping up with these people need help.  Seriously, you people need help.  Try keeping up with your family, and keeping up with your kids, and stop living vicariously through these NITWITS who have more money than you will ever see in three lifetimes.  You just keep contributing to their VERY large bank accounts when you “keep up with them”. 
By the way, Kim, sweetie, when you get older, that thing on your body that is making you who you are today, especially after you have a child, is just going to be one big lump of cellulite.  Don’t worry though, the morons who are following you now, will find someway to make you a story then.  Enjoy your extended 15 minutes of fame.

The Hills
I haven’t watched one single solitary second of this show.  I only know about the thing through word of mouth.  Just looking at the dude Spencer though, one word comes to mind, I don’t know if its in the dictionary, but it starts with something women do and ends with the thing you put groceries in.  Enough said.

Really?  This is the title you went with?  Survivor?  Another show I haven’t watched one single solitary second of and I am proud of that because I was able to use those seconds to do more important things.  I know the premise of the show.  Don’t get me wrong.  The tribes, the tribal council, when your torch is extinguished it’s see ya later for you, and the last one standing gets the million.  You have your little challenges.  I’m very familiar with it.  When it was first popular you couldn’t open a paper or watch TV without seeing something about it. 
You want to really impress me though?  You want a show called Survivor?  Jeff Probst stay home.  Nothing against you brother you’re just trying to work.  I respect that.  I’m just saying take these people, drop them on a remote part of an island, come back in 6 months, see who’s left, then have them fight to the death.  That’s a show, and I still wouldn’t watch…well maybe, for the goof. 
By the way the contestants need to get over themselves.  You are not celebrities, you are game show contestants.  I’ve seen tons of people on the Price is Right in my life, guess what, I have no clue where they are, or how their new curio cabinet is that they won back in 1986.  I don’t have any idea where the Collins family is either from Family Feud back in the day.  Game show contestants.  Sound it out if you are having trouble.  Game…show…con-test-ants.  Focus on the last syllable, because in the scheme of things, thats where you are in the celebrity food chain.  Now all we need is a magnifying glass and a nice cloudless, hot, sunny day.  Perfect.

American Idol
If you want to be a singer, bring more to the table than doing live karaoke on television.  How about writing some songs?  How about playing an instrument?  All of the people who made it throughout the years were probably never handed a chance like this, now these people are just getting record deals thrown at them?  And all they have to do is take a little verbal abuse from my name is Simon, and I like drawrings?  Taylor Hicks, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!?!?

Jon and Kate +8
You know this is a sad state of reality for kids today.  I am the
father of a six month old daughter.  When she continues to grow up and
watch TV, she is going to see this as her way to claim fame.  Let’s see
dad, all I have to do is have multiple babies, or if that doesn’t work
I can just find a rich guy, make a sex tape, marry him, take him for
all he’s worth, and get a reality show out of it.  What ever happened
to just going to college and having a career? 
Oh and as for the show, I don’t care if you are cheating on him, or he
is cheating on you.  Have some more kids, maybe that will help.  Maybe
you’ll get 125k a show instead of 75k.  By the way, Kate, I spiked my hair in 1987.  My freshman year of high school.
A mother of eight is no more special than a mother of one.  Stop exploiting your children, but save some of that cash for their future therapy sessions. 

Not a reality show, but she makes my skin crawl.  On food stamps, with collagen in her lips, and a publicist.  Only in America.   Thanks, Oprah!  Keep up the good work glorifying these faux celebritites.  

America only YOU have the power to stop this nonsense.  Look away.  Don’t watch.  For our kids sakes.  I know you like to watch train wrecks, but no one likes rubberneckers.  Put your foot on the gas and look straight ahead.  You’ll make the world a better place.

Boys and Girls the Shearn Soap Box is back under the bed…

All Hail Joel McHale and The Soup!  Ever think of a co-host or correspondent buddy?  I’d be all about it!

The Yankees are in first place.

All is right with the world.  The REAL world.

Two is greater than four

Yes, boys and girls, it’s time for a little math lesson. Here is our equation for today: 
2 > 4. For those of you who aren’t math whiz kids, (including myself who had to almost Google which sign was the greater sign) this translates into two is greater than four.  

Now I know in the literal sense two is not greater than four. I think we all know, if I have two snowballs and The Blob has four snowballs, I am leaving the fight with two extra bruises. Thus making four greater than two. 

However, in the baseball sense, in regards to a certain New York Yankees pitcher, two is greater than four (2 > 4). Joba Chamberlain’s two pitches out of his right hand coming out of the bullpen are greater than and outweigh the four pitches he is bringing to the table as a starter. I know I am being impatient, I know I may have a touch of JJD or BJD when it comes to where to use Chamberlain, but I truly believe, as many other people do, that Joba needs to go back to the bullpen.

Think about it. He is not giving the Yankees length on a consistent basis. He is pitching four and change, five and change and six and change at best. He’s on a strict pitch count, and he’s on a short leash because of a season innings limit. Why tax your own bullpen leaving early, when you can become very taxing to the opposing team later in the game.

I’m not an expert. I’ve never put myself out there as one and never will. I’m just an Average Joe fan who has been around the game of baseball my entire life. I’m not the only one saying it either. I’m not going to take credit for this stroke of genius. I don’t have a lab at home where I sit and concoct ways to make the Yankees better.  

However, putting Joba back into the pen will make the Yankees better. Especially now that Brian Bruney is back on the DL. Only time will tell what is wrong with his elbow, and if it’s something serious, it only makes the equation more viable.  

Yes boys and girls, two would be greater than four indeed.

Be Quiet

I know this is supposed to be a space where I give my off the wall view on the New York Yankees, but there are going to be occasions, such as today, when I want to give my off the wall view on other topics. This is going to be one of those times…and we’re off!

This is going back a little bit, but remember those Rodney Dangerfield Young Comedian specials that used to air on HBO? Well there was a guy on there once, David Tyree, no not the Giants wide receiver, a funny comedian, you tube him if you get the chance. (Did I just use you tube as a verb? Paging Websters, we have a new verb for you.)

One of his very funny bits was, there are certain times in your life where you should just, be quiet. This was his example, “If you’re getting into an elevator, and there is a guy in there in his underwear, with a machete, and a big booger hanging out of his nose. You should just, be quiet. This guy has other stuff on his mind.”

You should not only be quiet in that situation, you should look inside said elevator and say, “No man its cool, I’ll get the next one.”

I am bringing this all up because of Cavaliers guard Mo Williams. Williams is in a bit of a pickle. It may be too late for him. He already threw himself into the elevator by giving a guarantee that the Cavs would win the Eastern Conference Finals. They still can, and this can all be moot, but I figured I would have fun while I could.

That being said, Cleveland finds itself on the brink of being bounced out of the playoffs after sweeping through the first two rounds with the greatest of ease. Now the trapeze is about to snap and there is no net beneath Williams and his team.

Listen, it’s okay to think you are the best team in the NBA. It’s okay to have the confidence to think that when you are down in a series, that you and your team are going to turn things around and win it all. What are you going to do? Think you’re going to lose?

However, the minute you go public and stamp a guarantee on something, you immediately put pressure on your teammates, and a lot of pressure on a city that hasn’t won a championship since 1964 when the Browns won the NFL title.

Next thing you know, you’re losing the series and getting on that elevator with the dude in his Fruit of the Looms, holding a machete, and in desperate need of a tissue.

Mo for your sake and the sake of Cleveland, I sincerely hope you are going up, and in an empty elevator.

We’re Going STREAKING!

yankees_250_052209.jpgNo, not through the quad Snoop-a-loop, through the Blue Jays, Twins and Orioles. It’s nine and counting and the defending champion Phillies stand in the way of the streak continuing. It should be a fun weekend of baseball in the Boogie Down. It’s the Phillies’ first trip back to the Bronx since 2000. They are 1-5 against the Yankees in New York and 8-10 overall.

Let’s get back to this current nine-game winning streak. You are all probably sick of me bringing this up. Probably even to the point of regurgitation. But even during a winning streak, something positive, people are still out on a ledge with this team in this area. You just can’t make it up. Janet Jackson Disease is still in the air. I don’t get it. Do the Yankees have to go 162-0 for everyone to just remain calm? Somehow I have a feeling if they did, someone, somewhere, would find a way to pooh pooh the perfection and nitpick about how they only won by a run in 50 of their games.

Believe it or not boys and girls, callers on radio shows in the greater New York area were calling up during the Twins series, and moaning and complaining because the Yankees were only winning the games by a run. Let me get this straight: Instead of just sitting back and enjoying a five-game winning streak at the time, you are going to sit on hold for at least an hour, finally get on the air, and this is what you’re bringing to the table? Is there any joy in any of your lives? Seriously. This area has a fever, and the only prescription isn’t more cowbell, it’s winning.

Well at least I thought it was. Now even though they are winning and getting good pitching and timely hitting, people still aren’t satisfied. Enough with the Debbie Downer attitudes, people. When times are good, you have to take your half empty glass, and make it half full. You have to turn the frown upside down or you will be taken in by a new strain. Oh yeah. A new one. I’m putting JJD on the backburner.

We all know swine flu is scaring the bejesus out of people, but I have discovered something far worse. Billy Joel Disease – “I Go to Extremes.” Here’s a refresher if you need it:

Sometimes I lie awake, night after night
Coming apart at the seams
Eager to please, ready to fight
Why do I go to extremes?

Darling I don’t know why I go to extremes
Too high or too low there ain’t no in-betweens
And if I stand or I fall
It’s all or nothing at all

You can’t get too high or too low with this team. Just stay at an even keel and everything will be fine. However, if you can’t, the doctor is always in discovering new afflictions and trying to come up with a cure.

And the winners are…

We’ve waited long enough.  The winners of the new stadium nickname contest are:


The Palace of Pinstripes or Pinstriped Palace

Either way its said you are both winners.  Congratulations!